Boredomville

Boredomville
A boring place for a boring person

Monday, December 12, 2005

the girls are back from perth. after reading the whole chain of emails that flooded my inbox over the last 2 days, i can't help feeling a little jealous, maybe, and a little upset. of course, i will take it all in my stride (doesn't everyone always?) but i just feel that i have to pen all this down. i actually wanted to reply to the emails but i have a feeling that it may come out sounding jealous or upset or "sour grapes" kinda feeling.

i know what it feels like to go on trips with friends from school. i have been on quite a number. i also know what it feels like to have the so called "withdrawal symptoms". i get it often, after camps and trips. i guess i'm jealous cos i could actually have been a part of all that. so much of the planning all wasted. at least for myself. of course, no doubt jac did most of the refining and obviously execution, but i was a part of it too wasn't i? unfortunately i'll never really know. cos i don't even know what the trip ended up like. how the R & R went.. i cannot confirm, cannot witness for myself, all that went on. sure i'll hear the stories, but it's not the same isn't it? to experience something and to hear something experienced.

this is kinda depressing. to continue typing all this down. the more i type, the more i have to type and the more depressing it feels. throughout the week, i kept thinking to myself, what will i be doing if i were over there? i tried, as much as possible not to, but it still came up, from time to time.

all these has make me re-think again about my choice of whether to stay with the team and train or whether to leave. as cliched as it sounds, things will never be the same again. i don't see much of a point in staying. obviously, they'll survive without me, they may even do better without me. i'm not that significant. i'm not saying i'm not. i mean, i know, when i'm playing with them that in my own way i can help them. but they don't really need me. unfortunately, the really sad part about all this is that they were pretty much the closest pple i met from ccas in university.. i've spent the most time training with them and now i'm about to give it all up. to maybe switch to another team or even go without any ccas. (hmm.. maybe i should consider sife. heh. (now, don't get any ideas :p) hehe) anyway, point is, it'll be such a loss, such a pity, to me, and to them (i hope lah.. if not i totally useless meh?!?).

and she sighs... ...all this just because of the darn friendly. stupid friendly. maybe my last friendly. and i had to go sprain my ankle. (i can't really blame the guy.. if i were to but the blame somewhere, it would be on me, on him, on the field and on other forces of nature.) at this point, somehow i feel that there must have been a reason for that sprained ankle. i don't know it now, i may never realise it, but there must be. to me, this is faith..

Disclaimer: all these feelings maybe accentuated cos i'm feeling a little disappointed with my results today. partly because i didn't do as well for some as i expected and partly also cos it's so damn close yet so far. why? why am i just not good enough? it sucks. the feeling sucks. to know that u're that close and yet be unable to change it or do anything about it.

anonymous @ 10:15 pm