Boredomville

Boredomville
A boring place for a boring person

Monday, August 01, 2005

i was more agitated just now. now that i've showered and eaten my lunch i don't feel so strongly about it anymore. feel more indifferent now. hence the language i'm going to use isn't going to be so harsh.

maybe it's just me and i'm just a little too sensitive. but i still feel as if it's a personal attack on me. i can't help feeling that way. all the signs are responsible for my feeling un-needed and useless, and hence indifferent. "bo-chap" some might say.

so what if i'm super unfit, practically non-existant stamina, and a full speed that of a sloth. i actually still bother to commit. now, why should i bother if u treat me as if i'm totally useless and u don't show any sympathy toward me.

let's look at examples, maybe u'll understand better... sports camp. i asked to be a facilitator, u said u had enough. disappointed but i'll live so ok fine by me. then i offered to help out, just as a helper and u said u'll get back to me. i waited and waited and then u asked me if my bf wanted to be a helper. wtf. i mean, at least have some tact. u could always ask him urself behind my back. u just had to ask thru me. why? just so u can rub it in my face that u don't think i'll be very helpful as a helper??? and then, practically everyone else was asked to be a helper. am i really that useless?? what have i been doing for the past 19 and a half years? making a pest out of myself?

friendly. it seems as if i'm always the last to find out about these things.. how come everyone else knew about it and are invited to it while i'm left out? or is it another ploy to make me feel totally useless and unwanted? i mean if i were to be left out of it, why would u purposely mention it in front of me? and still not ask me if i'm free or interested.. even my friend who isn't even in the club knew about it, and i didn't. what does that make me? not part of the club and not a friend? ok so maybe it's cos i'm unfit and really really slow and will only pull the team down. but still shouldn't i still deserve some tact from u?

maybe i should just quit. no one will miss me. i can guarantee. but i had a dream and i would be pretty devastated if i were to give it up halfway. so i'll probably stick around and see if i'll be subjected to more abuse. if so, maybe it's best that i leave. til then, bring it on. see if i care.

i know this is a semi-public blog and anyone can read it. but really as i've already said, i'm feeling pretty indifferent now. so i don't quite give a damn what u perceive this post to be. sure shun me after that, u'll just be proving whatever i said right.

anonymous @ 1:54 pm